Escaping the helter skelter of wrong

Yesterday we were on a bike ride and I caught myself (with a little help) having a good old moan (mostly in my head) because I'd lost track of where we were, which way we should go next, and because this was not how I had imagined it would be.

What I find interesting is that as long as you spend the time in your head telling yourself everything that is wrong with the situation, there is no escape. It's like being on a helter skelter careering madly downwards in a spiral.

There are two ways to step off the helter skelter of everything that's wrong.

The first is to switch your focus from all that is wrong externally, to being curious with what's going on with you right now.

It's like engaging a separate area of your brain from the part that's having a good old temper tantrum.

Engage the part that lets you go "That's interesting what the other part of my brain is doing right now. I wonder what it's really trying to achieve?"

Timothy Gallwey in The Inner Game of Work uses the acronym STOP for this, meaning:

• Step Back
• Think
• Organise Your Thoughts, and
• Proceed

The other way is to just ask yourself, "Where is the joy now?"

It's always there if you look for it, whether it's being out on your bike in the fresh air, being with someone you love, or in the experience of doing something new.

Formula for successful next steps

I read a quote from David Allen in Michael Bungay Stanier's Do More Great Work shortly before my run this morning, which goes "You can't do a project. You can only do the next step."

I don't know about you, but I have lots of ideas, quite a few of them that I think are pretty good. I have most of them scribbled down in a book or on 3x5 cards.

For most of them, though, I don't have a clear next step. That's why they are still just ideas or projects that I think would be great to do.

If I had clarified a next step for each of those ideas or projects, it would look very different, or at least for the ones that I think are most important to me right now.

There were also some statistics in the book about the likelihood of you reaching a goal that you set yourself:

• 10 percent if you hear an idea
• 25 percent if you decide to do it
• 40 percent if you decide when you're going to do it
• 50 percent if you plan how you're going to do it
• 65 percent if you tell someone you're going to do it
• 95 percent if you set up a time to report back that person on how you did.

Who will hold you accountable for your next step?

What's your best possible start?

Because it's the weekend and I was up a bit later this morning, the heating came on in the house before I got up.

As a result, I had a headache when I started my run, which was with me for most of my two mile jaunt.

However, by the time I got home my head had cleared and I felt much better.

It is amazing just how many times my morning run has enhanced my feeling of wellbeing, whether it's lifted my mood, helped me feel more physically energised and alert, cleared a headache, given me new ideas, or blown away the cobwebs from over indulging the night before.

What do you do to give your day the best possible start?

'Yes, and' keeps the flame alive

Another early morning as I'm heading off to Wickford in Essex to coach a group of teachers to run the Be the Best You Can Be! programme.

Before I went to sleep last night, I was flicking through David Hemery's "How to help children find the champion within themselves", and was reminded of the importance of 'Yes, and', rather than 'Yes, but'.

'Yes, but' negates everything that you say before the 'but' and leaves the recipient with the taste of your criticism.

'Yes, and' validates the person you're talking to and lets you add something to their contribution.

What's most important is that 'Yes, and' keeps the flame of their enthusiasm alive while letting you contribute.

How will you keep someone's flame of enthusiasm alive today?

What are you thankful for?

I have a daily ritual on my morning runs.

I say a thank you in my head for having another morning of life, and a thank you for, once again, being able to run. Then I will say a few more things that I'm thankful for.

Sometimes, though, I find myself almost ticking off a list of things that I say thank you for every day.

When I get into this pattern, it tends to lose its meaning. It just becomes something that I'm supposed to do, and then I've done it and can move on to the next thing.

When I realise that I'm in this rut, then I ask myself questions about what I might have noticed yesterday and what I'm expecting that I might encounter today, and what about those things I'm grateful for.

It makes it all "real" again for me.

This morning I was thankful for the lovely cold, crisp morning.

I was also thankful for the fact that when I attend networking meetings, I usually find it quite a struggle when I first get there, but once I engage in conversation with someone about something real about their life, rather than just idle chit chat, I really enjoy it.

What are you thankful for today?