I don't know

I had a bad night's sleep last night, and lay awake for over two hours.

I didn't want to turn my light on and read as I thought I might wake my better half, and I didn't want to get up because it was cold, and if I opened drawers and cupboards to get something to put on, once again I might do some waking.

So I tossed and turned, the frustration building.

When my alarm went this morning for my run, I REALLY didn't want to get up but I forced myself grudgingly.

Then I had a kind of epiphany moment.

I've often espoused that there is usually learning to be had from painful experiences. So, what if there was learning to be had from my night time trial and from my tired morning?

Just that thought lifted my tired place of resisting the morning and I immediately felt better. I don't know what that learning is, but just the thought that there might be, was enough to energise me.

Then I thought of my running every morning. There is a perverse kind of self-inflicted suffering in getting up in the dark when everyone else is still in bed and going out into the freezing cold to run, when it's the last thing my body wants to do at that moment.

My body always appreciates it once I'm back though.

Then I thought about the power in "I don't know". If I knew, or thought I knew what my learning was then I would naturally stop being open to an answer. However, as long as I don't know, then I am permanently open to what that learning might be.

And as far as I'm concerned permanent openness is a great place to be.

Anyway, I had a pleasant enough run in the dark and the cold, and now I feel great, AND I still don't know!