Act as if

It took me twenty minutes battling with myself to drag my body out of bed this morning to go for my run.

Doesn't that sound weird, "battling with myself?"

It's almost as if there are two of me. And actually, I think there are.

There is the one that feels really good about being up earlier than anyone else, feels proud in getting another run under my belt, one day closer to my next milestone of 400 days (this Friday), and thinks that anything is possible.

Then there's the one that thinks it quite reasonable to stay in bed a bit longer, that thinks, "what's the point of running every day anyway, what does it achieve?", that thinks that if I was awake in the night I deserve to lie in a while, especially as I've got no early commitments.

As I said it took twenty minutes for the first me to overcome the second this morning.

I definitely like the first me better than the second, at least most of the time I do.

And both the me's will always be there.

The key is the whole Act as if technique.

If I feel weak and I want to feel strong, I just have to start acting strong and I start to feel stronger.

I think this works with pretty much any way of feeling.

If I want to feel kind and loving, I have to start acting kind and loving and hey presto.

The other key is the word "start". Saying "I'll just start acting..." in whatever way feels much more achievable than saying "I'll act..."

It cons the second me into thinking that it's probably only for a minute, but once I've started it tips the balance in my first me's favour.

Anyway, enough exploring my schizophrenia. It's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from me.